To kid or not to kid

That is the question.  

I’ve been going through it over and over … and over in my head.  And I still don’t get it.

I love my nephews to bits and adore children.  I love the merchandising bit of parenthood.  I think it’ll be cool to be pregnant and feel a life growing in you.  I know where I can get really great-looking maternity clothes.  I know how many children I would like to have.  Heck, I even have some names picked out.  And yet when I think of the daily grind of motherhood, I dread it the same way I would a lifetime prison sentence.  

Parents tell me of the joy children bring but when I look around, I see parents who look unhappy and exhausted.  I see screaming brats in the shopping centres.  I see the exorbitant costs of playgroups and tuition fees.  I see the mad rush for school registration and the stress when exams are near.  And I think to myself, ‘Why do it?  Why give up a perfectly happy, carefree existence and do it?’

I’ve realised that there is no good, logical reason to have children.  Parenthood is pure sacrifice and unconditional love.  Motherhood will probably bring me more joy than I’ll ever know and more pain than I ever thought possible.  It’s a decision I’ll have to make with the heart, not the head.

I still don’t have the answer but maybe someday I’ll have the strength to take that leap of faith.

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